Forbes psychology writer Mark Travers has listed three things to do before sending some angry texts.
We've all had that moment. A message pops into our head—angry, frustrated, or emotional—and before we can think about it, our finger hits the “send” button.
Sometimes we send such messages to our spouse because of a plan he/she forgot, sometimes to our colleague because the delivery date was delayed and sometimes to a friend who has overstepped our boundaries. However, we later regretted it; One click will cause irreparable damage.
According to experts, after such instant messages, many people feel anxiety, regret, guilt and, over time, lose trust in relationships. Although we cannot completely stop rising emotions, we can learn to control them. And this starts before you send the message.
Forbes psychology writer Mark Travers has listed three things to do before sending these types of messages, based on research on the topic.
1. REST
Before sending an angry, frustrated or emotional text, stop and look at your body. Emotions are not just “mental”; It affects your entire body. When stressed, the area of the brain responsible for logic and self-control (the prefrontal cortex) slows down.
Research shows that stress hormones (e.g. dopamine and noradrenaline) disrupt the brain's electrical balance, temporarily disabling the ability to think rationally. In this case, your reflexes kick in and you react without thinking.
Travers suggests following these steps to rest:
Take a deep breath. Inhale for a count of four, hold for four seconds, exhale for a count of six. A long exhale takes the body out of “fight or flight” mode and into “rest and digest” mode.
Scan your body. Is your jaw clenched? Are your shoulders tight? Is your heart beating fast? Name your emotion: “This is anger.” Identifying the emotion reduces its power.
Be steadfast in yourself. Touching the table, chair or floor. Exposure to the real world reminds your brain that the threat is not immediate.
2. TRY TO SEE THE EVENT FROM THE OUTSIDE
After the body calms down, the second step is to look at things from the outside. This is called “third-person perspective”.
Recent research shows that in situations of high emotional intensity, looking at the event from the outside makes it easier to understand what is happening. This approach allows you to see the situation more clearly and maintain a sense of self-worth.
According to Travers, to achieve this you need to follow these steps:
Put yourself in your friend's shoes: If someone showed you that message, would you say “Send”?
Describe the situation neutrally: “My friend missed my call, was busy, or forgot.”
Think long term: How will the text you send now affect your relationship an hour, a day, or a week later?
3. SAVE MESSAGES IN DRAFT
Writing is not a way to suppress emotions but a way to express them in a harmless way. Research shows that impulsivity increases during emotional moments; So at that point your control weakens. But this is not permanent, it is just a temporary upheaval.
Therefore, even waiting 20-30 minutes may be enough to calm your emotions and regain the ability to make healthy decisions.
Travers's recommended applications are as follows:
Write according to feeling: Write with all sincerity, do not suppress emotions but also do not send them away.
Save as draft: Let the message disappear before your eyes. This reduces the urge to post.
Read it again a moment later: You often notice that words that seem “very important” at the moment become unnecessary or exaggerated an hour later.
