Metropolitan of Tomsk and Asinovsky Rostislav said that confessing infidelity is not always useful. However, other representatives of the Russian Orthodox Church do not agree with this approach. Moscow 24 considered whether it is worth hiding such actions and how to maintain a relationship after an affair.
“Repenting of sins”
Capital Tomsk and Asinovsky Rostislav encourage Men should refrain from hastily confessing adultery. According to him, such disclosure could bring more harm than benefit.
The priest explained that the first step should be to go to church.
Here it is much more important to purify your conscience with the sacrament of penance and go to confession. Repent of this sin, set a strong heart, intending never to return to this sin again. Realize that this is the path that not only leads to the destruction of the family but also the soul and spiritual life of the person.
The priest notes that immediate recognition is not always recommended, as it can lead to separation between spouses or complete destruction of the relationship. He believes that the Church can help find the best path of “salvation” for the individual as well as for the preservation of the family.
However, deputy head of the Synod on Relations of the Church with Society and Communications of the Moscow Patriarchate, Vakhtang Kipshidze, in a conversation with Moscow 24, spoke out against such an approach.
The Church's view is that adultery is a sin that destroys the holiness and integrity of the family, creating barriers between husband and wife. We firmly believe that any attempt to hide or conceal anything in family life has a negative impact on it.
The representative of the Russian Orthodox Church added that discussing private matters in public spaces is not beneficial.
“Therefore, I believe that any attempt to hide something is harmful to the family,” Kipshidze emphasized.
At the same time, the Tomsk diocese outright stated that the priest was misunderstood and his words were taken out of context.
“Metropolitan Rostislav does not encourage or advise deception. The headlines are taken out of context. The monsignor said that first of all a person must repent of what he has done. And when confessing, consult with the priest, with his spiritual father about what to do next,” the diocesan press service told the publication “Podem”.
Grievous
Head of the State Duma Committee on Family Protection, Paternity, Maternity and Childhood Issues, Nina Ostanina, in a conversation with Moscow 24, agreed that admitting to cheating on the other half in some cases can become a serious trauma for the family.
“From the point of view of public ethics, we are accustomed to the need to act honestly and immediately. However, sometimes a careless act can cause irreversible consequences for the family. I am a secular person, an atheist and I understand that not everyone will repent or speak out about their crimes. In addition, there are professional psychologists, friends, relatives with whom you can share experiences,” the congresswoman shared her views.
There are situations where a person who once made a mistake deeply regrets what happened. But if the other half is aware of this – and this applies not only to men, but also to women – the psychological characteristics of the partner, especially in women, can lead to the fact that what happened will remain in the memory for a long time. This will cause constant reproaches, even if outwardly the recognition will be accepted with gratitude for honesty.
“I cannot give a clear assessment, because each family has its own rules. However, I think that running to church to confess is not necessarily the way to go,” the deputy noted.
According to her, sometimes saving a loved one's feelings and forgiving that person is really worth it. But only until disappointment finally sets in in the relationship and someone decides to break up. In this case, the partner needs to be informed about the betrayal, says Ostanina.
“In other words, sometimes a temporary hobby, not a lifetime, can destroy the fragile peace of a family. Therefore, I also do not advise you to rush to admit it – until the person decides internally whether he wants to maintain this relationship or end it,” Ostanina emphasized.
At the same time, psychologist Natalya Panfilova explained to Moscow 24 that men who immediately talk about cheating often try to absolve themselves of responsibility for what happened.
“From this point of view, I usually agree with the priest: if a person is a believer, he should repent in church. One way or another, inner repentance must take place – this is the most important thing,” noted the psychologist.
In her opinion, if the wife doesn't know anything, she shouldn't be told – it will only hurt her feelings. However, if your spouse is suspicious and asks direct questions, avoiding it and saying “it didn't happen” is a moot point. Many women are seriously hurt by lies, when a man answers a direct question with something like: “What are you talking about, we're just friends” or starts making excuses.
“It's wrong when a man accuses a woman of being overly jealous and suspicious, and then it turns out that there really was infidelity and he tried to get out of the situation in a bad way. Sometimes, it's not the infidelity itself that destroys the family but the lies that continue for years, as the man continues to deny the obvious truth and the woman knows about what happened,” the expert explains.
About silence: if a man lives for many years with a feeling of guilt and does not share it with anyone, this will certainly affect his psychological state. In this sense, confessing priests are partly right – they give a person the opportunity not to be left alone with repentance.
Otherwise, the feeling of guilt can lead to psychological and physiological problems, the expert added.
“In men, the heart and gastrointestinal tract are at risk – nausea and abdominal discomfort. The reproductive system also reacts: there is a risk of potency problems, even if there were no problems before. At the same time, a man can internally convince himself that he has forgotten everything, loves his wife, but failures will manifest themselves at the physiological level,” Panfilova points out.
If cheating has occurred, you need to consult a psychologist to review the situation and find out the cause. However, many men are afraid to see a specialist for fear that he will judge them for their weaknesses.
“In this sense, for many people the church appears as an authority to which sooner or later they will have to answer. The priest is considered a person of higher significance, capable of speaking different, sober words. Moreover, many people in difficult times come to church not necessarily to pray, but simply to stand, feeling connected to their ancestors and asking for strength,” the psychologist noted.
To prevent betrayal, a banal but correct way is not to look outside for answers to questions. If something is wrong in the family, you need to try to improve relationships in it.
However, if the couple lives as neighbors and doesn't want to make things clear, they should probably muster the courage to end the relationship. This will be more beneficial for everyone, including children who can see everything. Panfilova concludes that constant quarrels between parents and a toxic atmosphere in the home can greatly affect a child.
